So. Long. For. Now.

I'll never tell you everything, but I do fantasize about it. Maybe this is a start.

.hold tight to what feels right.
Call me Sarah/Sadie/anything really.
I like being Irish.
I was named after a long line of Sarah's. All nicknamed Sadie. My parents dropped the ball in the nickname department. I think I resent them for it.

Lets talk it out: Sa {dot} Newies at gmail {dot} com

May 3rd, 2009 @ 2:08 pm

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

I Poke Her Face (ft Kanye West & Common) …Kid Cudi

harriettlou:

Reblogged from Sweet Lou.

May 1st, 2009 @ 11:49 pm

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Ben Harper - Crying Wont Help You Now

Apr 30th, 2009 @ 3:16 am

am i home yet?

Dear Costa Rica,

i don’t want to leave you so much today as i did yesterday. i know our relationship is a little rocky, so im still gently taking each day as it comes.

maybe its getting better. although, nothing compares giving my niece a giant hug, i may stick this out a little longer.

you give me a little more of that perfect sunshine (nothing brutal, i don’t like it too hot), island breezes, and maybe some more friends, and i’ll give you a few more months. deal? (prob not. thats why i didnt say promise)

love from the mosquito net,

Sadie

@ 12:04 am

steady as we go, dear

it can never be simple.

treading on thin ice can be tedious. finding the thicker parts of the ice, not getting too comfortable because you have to keep moving if you want to keep discovering, finding the thinner pieces, making them thicker. and finally? getting to the other side of the lake.

i suppose it’s solid to begin with. and with time the ice thins, and you either let it break or make it work. it’s such a bitch starting over.

..analogies, they’re all i’ve got sometimes. more interesting than plain old words.

Apr 26th, 2009 @ 12:19 am

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

The Fray - Ungodly Hour

..cause its pretty. and because it threw me into another time in my life a few days before i left. i sat in silence with my head at my knees that were tightly pressed against my chest, at jons kitchen table and relived a few summers ago. it was magical, frightening and made my bones feel so good that night.

i get chills when i hear it.

Apr 24th, 2009 @ 2:24 pm

Day 10

The rain started a few days ago. Only for an hour pretty hard and yesterday for about 2.5 seconds. although, today there’s an incredible overcast. the weather adequately mirrors my melancholy feeling about being here. As Amanda would warn me, I shouldn’t be indulging in The Fray while I’m experiencing this wave of spiritless emotions. But hey, I like living on the opposite side of the road sometimes.

The news of Sean Sons mom hit me pretty hard last nite. I think it was a mix of some very poignant news and emotions just bubbling up to the corners of my eyes all day. I broke. I lifted the sheets over my head with the heaviest of broken hearts last nite, only to find the weight just as heavy this morning. Sean is an indescribable person who has always, always been at my doorstep within moments of me needing a friend - and if he isn’t around, my phone is vibrating and Sean is on the other line with the most uninhibited encouraging things to say. He never represses emotions or hesitates to show his warmth and care for me. The loyalist of friends to say the very least. It pains me to be so far away from a friend in need. so much that, if i could afford the sporadic trip, and there were flights to Hawaii from here, I’d be there in a heartbeat. I still might.

These are the times when I intensely question any higher being existence, as if I didn’t do so enough already. It’s so hard for me to comprehend tragedy to this degree. Seans mother suffered for years while her and her husband lived halfway around the world from each other so that they can provide a better life for their son. They were finally reunited 2 months ago, only to be forever ripped apart after the smallest time of joy together. I cannot by any means conceive the deep desire and proverbial light at the end of the tunnel for the two of them all this time, only to find that light to be a glimmer of a candlestick soon to go out with the smallest gust of wind. Trickery.

My mind races with thoughts of home. How much I’d like to be there and how the daily comforts of my loved ones is missing from my daily life here in Costa Rica. There is no comfort, not even in the sheets. It is all rough sand paper. A new appreciation of my life back home is imperative for me. Things were becoming monotonous and I refused to step back from the misery that followed me. This dosent go to say that I wasn’t a happy person, because I am, and regardless of my life altercations, no one could tell the difference. Except of course, very few of my dearest of friends whom I opened up to. I pride myself in the hats I wear, because, although for some, different hats are incredibly damaging, mine were almost a release of sorts. I was relieved to go out and put on the happy hat, and if it wasnt possible and that hat didn’t fit right that nite, I wouldn’t go.

The things I’m about the explain about my time here in Costa Rica do not suppress the fact that I know I’m incredibly blessed to be here, I’m aware I have a marvelous experience at my fingertips. I just find it easier to work through these emotions through words rather than somber thought. I’m attempting to escape my sadness through words which eventually help me put the pieces together.

As I’ve explained so many times before, I am a different version of myself while here. I’m not sure if this is where depression sets in, but, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m sure its just a reaction to a swift pluck out of New York and into another Country with a severe language barrier and not many people to talk to, except for those back home (who (man & cabe) have dealt with so much incessant calling and complaining - which i appreciate greatly). I did sense a little comfort while meeting my new (N.American/Australian) neighbors and heard my heart whispering “See Sarah? You can do this”. I found myself needing to reach for the computer less and less that nite. English conversation was more refreshing than I thought it’d be. I really need to push myself to all available limits within. For now, I’ve been sitting alone (mainly because my leg is hurt and the walk is treacherous) with my own thoughts and occupying my days with calls to home - and it scares me how much of a part of my daily routine it can become. I’ll push through the next few days and give them my all and see where they bring me.

The dampness in the air is starting to scare me with the constant computer use. Its not exactly the most conducive place for a brand new laptop.

I’ll check back later.

Apr 18th, 2009 @ 6:01 pm

i’ll tell you how it is.

it’s unbearably hot today. I’m escaping the heat in Artemis. I’m sure the owner (whom I will refer to as Amandas boyfriend from now on) thinks I’m stalking him. We’re always here, together. He speaks perfect english, which is so refreshing. My housemate Karen works here, and I believe she said he’s from Israel. Most people are around here. odd.

Karen speaks very very little English, practically none at all. Caleb witnessed our frustrating conversation the other nite about going to a local bar. Her personality is so bubbly, and I want so badly to talk to her. We only do so through Matt. We were teaching her how to say “I want a boyfriend, not a quick fuck” the other day after her story of a short experience of sleeping with an Isralie. She claims they’re all packing small. Karen in a nutshell is widly entertaining. Even more so if she spoke English, I’d imagine.

Apprently, everyone here just has sex with each other. I can’t find the men any more unnatractive than I do already and it’s just heightened knowing that banging broads is a pastime. Costa Rica was never anything more than just a soulful experience for me. Certaintly not for getting laid.

I miss home today. Laying on the beach last nite, raking the sand into my palms and releasing it through my fingertips and watching shooting stars for miles was incredible. It made me realize that there is still a part of me that I need to let go of - which one, im not sure. There is a much needed release in progress, and I’m just hoping it happens before I can’t take it anymore and want to leave.

I took some medicine for my Sciatica today from the local pharmacy. I think that’s just making me feel weird also. I wasn’t smart and just took one - I took 2 because the level of coedine was low so eh, why not! wrong. es stupido.

i need a nap.

Apr 17th, 2009 @ 10:52 pm

The Whys and Hows of Where I'm At

There are an abundance of ways to describe the world I’ve just immersed myself in, yet, I’m unable to find the words that will perfectly fit together the pieces of this drawing I’d like to create for you. My mind and body have been in such a cluster of varying emotions that sitting myself down and coming to the realization of the journey I’m taking was an impossibility over the past few weeks. I kept saying “I’m going to Costa Rica” but magnifying that sentence of everything it embodied was something I should have done a lot earlier in my decision making. Although, how possible is it to prepare yourself for something you know nothing about. Really, nothing. Except for that my friend lives there. Pictures went unshared, Descriptions were not included in phone calls or emails. He was there, and I was going.

I can fill pages with the reasons I left home for the unknown; escape, experience, perspective, desire, etc. But when I become truly honest with myself, I look at the past 25 (!) years of my life, as I do every April, and I pack away the last year of my life into an empty drawer that holds all the years before. Sure, I can say that there are years of wisdom and lesson learning in that drawer, broken hearts and dreams, bad decisions, learned knowledge and some incredibly happy memories, but not one thing that says “this girl followed her heart”. I followed a course of set provisions the past few years. I went through the motions of what it takes to become a functioning part of society, did the right things in order to obtain a “normal” life by the standards of those around me. I did all these things until I realized how unhappy they made me. Sure, the path to perfection isnt easy, but you should be able to enjoy the road paved for your dreams. Most dreams aren’t easy, but you’re also supposed to be fiercely determined to make them happen. I wasn’t. I’m not saying that the past years of school are a complete waste, I just need a little perspective on what’s to come for Sarah. She’s not someone I’ve adimantly focused on the past 25 years either.

Apr 16th, 2009 @ 11:00 pm

after an 18 hr. ordeal of traveling obsurdities, I’ve finally arrived in Costa Rica.
It was so hot today that I chopped my hair off. or well, juan carlos, the nicest gay hairdresser in all of Playa Carmen did it for me.
ah, freedom.
love to my girl KC.

after an 18 hr. ordeal of traveling obsurdities, I’ve finally arrived in Costa Rica.

It was so hot today that I chopped my hair off. or well, juan carlos, the nicest gay hairdresser in all of Playa Carmen did it for me.

ah, freedom.

love to my girl KC.

Apr 14th, 2009 @ 11:04 am

most incredible.
:kristinacontes:

most incredible.

:kristinacontes:

Reblogged from kristina.contes.

@ 11:03 am

kristinacontes:
newies leaves for costa rica on wednesday! emergency tear filled photoshoots commence!
ah. tears. im taking more than you in my heart - im taking your handwriting on my body! ha

kristinacontes:

newies leaves for costa rica on wednesday! emergency tear filled photoshoots commence!

ah. tears. im taking more than you in my heart - im taking your handwriting on my body! ha

Reblogged from kristina.contes.

Apr 5th, 2009 @ 12:21 pm

kristinacontes:
newies getting my words etched into her fleshy bits. twice.
KC, i love you but yer camera musthave a fat face lens. fuckingbullshitfosho.